Me- but the "ideal" me...

I've been thinking a lot lately about what ideal looks like. When we think about the ideal situation or the ideal date or the ideal lifestyle it's all so subjective. What I may think is ideal, another person might find off putting or boring. Vacations are the prime example of this- what my ideal vacation looks like someone else might find boring and lackluster. In the same respect, what someone else sees at the ideal vacation, I might find exhausting and overwhelming. While thinking about "ideal" and how relative it is, it gave me a little perspective. I realized that if my "ideal" can vary so much from another person, why I am worried at all about what other people are doing? Someone's life may look so different from mine, and that's because, like our vacations, we may want two totally different things. We may be headed in opposite directions, and I'm over here judging myself based on what someone else is doing? How silly is that?

Why do we, and by we I mean me, do that? Why do we look at other people's lives and either credit or discredit ourselves based on someone else? Why do we allow someone else's journey influence ours at all... ever? I think it's human nature to look around and want to try to judge ourselves based on those around us. I've noticed by accident I've been teaching my child to do that (which I have stopped immediately BTW). I tell my son to look around at the other kids to see that he is behaving differently from the other kids around him and I am unintentionally teaching him to try to be like everyone around him, which I despise. It makes me feel so bad that I've even just briefly tried to get him to be like anyone else around him, except himself. I think we all do it though, we all look around and see what we're doing that others aren't, or what others are doing that we aren't. We then try to copy or emulate what they are doing or not doing... then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out why we aren't happy with our lives, and it's because we are trying to live someone else's life.

I think because this is so ingrained in us, it takes a long time to even figure out that we are doing it, and an even longer amount of time trying to figure out how to stop doing this. It's incredibly difficult to tune out all the outside voices, and even inside voices that are telling us to get in line and blend it and go with the flow. It seems like it takes a lot of practice to sit down and say "This is what I want and this is my ideal, not because someone around has it, but because it's what I really like or want." I think learning to hear your own positive internal voice is such an amazing skill, one that I am working on developing right now.

The first thing I'm doing to start hearing that voice is to stop telling my kid to ignore his and listen to others. Don't get me wrong, I want him to follow rules and be able to take directions, I just don't want him to ever stop listening to that voice that tells him who he is- regardless of anyone around him. Little kids for the most part hear this voice loud and clear. If they feel like dancing- they dance, music, no music it doesn't matter. If a little kid likes a shirt, they wear it every day and they aren't ashamed that they wore it yesterday or the day before, because they like it. I'm not saying I want to start wearing my dirty laundry, but I want that state of mind back. I want to be unapologetically myself.

The second thing I'm doing to reclaim this voice is to start getting to know myself better. I'm trying to be more conscious of spending time with myself and really thinking about what matters to me, and what my "ideal" looks like. I've been trying to pay attention to the times I feel genuinely happy or content. I'm trying to listen to my body and my heart when I feel unhappy or dissatisfied. It's been interesting to really put some effort into getting to know myself, I highly recommend it. Spend some time with yourself- think about the hard questions... where do you stand? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? When are you most content?

The more I've started to think about my relationship with myself, as just that a relationship the more honest I feel like I can be with myself. As weird or bizarre as it may seem to think about and really put time and energy into building a healthy relationship with yourself, it is one of the most important relationships you or I could have. Think about it, if you  take care of yourself, take time for reflection and mediate, if you spend quality time doing self reflection and really getting to know and love yourself, your ability to love and get to know others grows exponentially. I also think about what a great example it is to our children, to show them that self love is the so important. If we teach by example taking care of yourself, and being aware of yourself from the time they are so little they can gain even more than we ever could. Think about what the next generation looks like if we are raising children that love themselves, that take care of themselves both mentally and physically, that take time to reflect and that are so in tune with their bodies and minds, that have a solid foundation of who they are and what they value?? What does the world look like? What does their life look life? What kind of children do they raise?

For me, that seems exciting. It seems worth it to spend some time getting to know myself and working on being the best version of myself and what that can do for my children. I don't think we always realize how much our habits and examples influence people around us and particularly the people we are raising. So, love yourself today, spend some time with yourself today, and help your little ones do the same thing.

Being More Intentional

Lately its seems like I've had so much on my mind. I've had so many ideas and dreams that keep pestering me, but in the most unorganized way. I can't say that I have plans and processes worked out, but I've decided that would be a great place to start. While listening to a few different podcasts, I had the realization that instead of waiting for the whole plot of things to unveil itself in my head, I should start trying to be more intentional with my time and my mental energy. I'm never going to organize my thoughts and develop a solid plan if I don't take the time to work through things. It's like I'm constantly bothered that the kitchen is a mess, but instead of taking 15 minutes and cleaning it, I spend 20 whining and complaining that it's dirty.

I heard an idea once that said "If it takes less than two minutes to do, do it now." So many times I am guilty of taking more time procrastinating the task than the actual task would take. Well, no more I say! Time to get intentional. Time to put some mental and physical energy into working on what I want to accomplish. First things first- writing them down!

So, here's what I'd like to accomplish: I want to write a book, well I want to write lots of books, but for now I'd like to write one. I want to entertain. I want to tell a story. I want to create a world that I'd like to be apart of, and can go and escape to when life gets tough. I want to create characters that I'd like to be- or know. I want to take them on adventures and places I'm scared to go. I want to write a book that people read and say "I was entertained. I fell in love. I want to go there. I want to be this character, or I feel like I already know that character. I want to live in that world, and for a week or two I did."

I have a number of fears going into such a huge undertaking. The first one is my insecurities. I'm not the best writer, I am no grammar genius. I know my novel will take LOTS of help and support before it would be presentable. The second thing I'm worried about is the time and energy it will take to accomplish this goal. Some days I get to the end of the day and I barely have enough energy to brush my teeth, much less sit at my computer and create a world. My last worry is probably the most obvious, but I'm scared of being rejected. I realize that people will hate my work. I realize it won't be everyone's cup of tea, and honestly I think I'm ok with that, at least I hope I am. How do you really ever know something like that until  you're there? That is both the simple truth and the scariest thought, you don't know until you know. So, here goes, I want to know so I have to go and find out. Cheers to the big leap, and intentionally pursuing something you want! What's your big leap? What's something you really want, but have either been too scared or too disorganized to go after it?