Coping Skills

The more interactions I have with people the more I realize how important having good/healthy coping tools is for a successful human being. Having an arsenal of coping tools is essential to one's ability to navigate the unavoidable obstacles life throws at us. It's so much easier said than done and a lot of times I find myself mentally checking things off my list as I attempt to sooth myself during stressful periods of time with a negative attitude and a lot of doubt of their success. It seem like collectively using many of my tools is what makes the noticeable and substantial difference in a situation, and if I don't have many skills to make a collective difference it very much feels like putting a band aid on a bullet hole. As I've worked with people and got to know people I realize that the people that can't cope and that don't have a long list of skills, seem to make things worse for themselves, which only adds to their stress level. It's a domino effect- good or bad.  As I've been faced with stressful situations I've realized that my arsenal maybe isn't as full as I thought it was and I need to be constantly adding to my list of coping options as insurance for future stresses.

Here is my current list of coping tools I use regularly, and that feel the most effective:

1. Exercise- running in particular 
2. Taking a bath
3. Writing 
4. Eating chocolate 
5. Sleeping 
6. Cleaning 
7. Taking care of my family 
8. Talking to friends/family 
9. Being creative 
10. Watching T.V. 
11. Going for a drive 
12. Making a list of things within my control that I'm doing right 
13. Hiking- being outdoors 
14. Shopping 


As I read back through this list I realize it really isn't very comprehensive, what happens if one of my stressors is that I can't get out and move around? Nearly all of  my tools involve being able to move around. I need to work on developing coping tools that I can do when movement is limited. I also noticed that the tools that don't require much movement are probably the least healthy ways on the list to cope, so I need to be aware of that as well when I am developing my coping skills- little movement- but healthy and/or productive. Watching T.V. or shopping can be really effective tools, but they can also easily add to my stress when they aren't managed well. I need some good tools that I don't have monitor quite so closely.

I spent some time researching and talking to friends and family and came up with a list of other coping tools I may want to work on/develop:

1. Knitting/crocheting
2. Reading 
3. Find someone to serve 
4. Cook/Bake 
5. Paint 
6. Sew 
7. Crossword puzzles/ word finds/ puzzles 
8. Walk 
9. Garden 
10. Organize something 
11. Face mask- Foot scrub (Self care) 
12.  Yoga 
13. Essential oils 
14. Write down worst case scenario and ways you could cope with that 
15. Go see a therapist 
16. Create a schedule and set boundaries 
17. Go to lunch with someone who is a good support 
18. Watch funny videos 
19. Learn a new skill or develop an existing skill
20. Meditate 
21. Play with a pet - care for a pet 
22. Keep a gratitude journal 
23. Pray 
24. Adult coloring books 
25. Make jewelry

My goal for the week- find and practice three ways to cope that don't require movement (or limited movement) that are effective and healthy.

What coping skills do you use? What ones are move effective for you? How comprehensive is your list of coping skills? How effectively do you use your skills when a stressful situation presents itself?

Friday- Words for my child

Being a mother is something else. It's hard to describe it, it's difficult to understand, and yet most women want to experience it. We yearn for it, we would move heaven and earth to experience this strange thing that is motherhood. It's the hardest most challenging thing most of us go through- and yet brings the most satisfaction and greatest joy. I've been so lucky to know so many amazing woman who also happen to be mothers. I also know a lot of great people that are who they are because of their mother. Being a mother is big. It feels big. As I've watched my child grow, I find myself wanting him to skip all of the mistakes I've made and jump way ahead of anything I've ever been able to do or overcome. I want so much more for him. On social media I follow quite a few really inspirational mothers that seem to have so many amazing things to share and to say. There is one in particular that writes messages to her children- or words of wisdom for her babies if you will. I love it. I love reading what she has to say and seeing the most important things she wants them to know. Again (like my last post), I decided I wanted to do that too. I want to share little tid bits of things I've learned with my children, and hopefully one day they will read it and feel inspired- or motivated, or at least encouraged knowing that if nothing else their mom was absolutely obsessed with them and wanted them to have the world.

Words for my child: 

Not everyone is going to like you, but I will always love you. Not everyone is going to think you're funny, but I think you're hilarious. Not everyone will find you attractive, but you are the most handsome boy to me. Not everyone will appreciate your personality, but to me you're perfect. Not everyone will see your talents, but to me you have countless talents. Not everyone will think you're smart, but to me you're a genius. You, little man, are amazing. You will do amazing things. You can move mountains. 

I worry that you will let those negative voices that exist in every aspect of life and often times sound a lot like our own voice, get into your head and tell you you're not good enough. I worry that you will forget how great life is, and how being happy is so much better than being sad. I worry that life will get the best of you. So, don't let it. Don't listen to those voices, and don't forget that being happy is always better. Decide you're going to be happy. Decide that other people's opinions don't matter. Decide to not to let life get the best of you, instead give life the best of you. Take the best from life. It's just that easy, and it's just that hard. Decide to be happy and then go and be happy. 

You are my happy. 

Love, 

Your mom

Advice

Some of my favorite things to read are inspirational books or quotes. I love reading something that has the power makes me think and gives me hope. I also really love the ones that are so simple, yet so powerful and speak to so many different kinds of people. One I have posted all over my house is "Work hard and be nice to people!" It's so simple and yet SO true, and if more people did it we would live in a MUCH happier world!

Recently I read a Pinterest pin that someone had said was a snippet from their journal. It was words of advice they were giving them self. It's a little ironic because it was probably so personal to the author and meant something so specific to them, and yet it had been repinned something like thirty thousands times and counting. Everyone wants to hear those words that build them up and make them feel like they can accomplish anything and everything. No one gets tired of hearing they are strong and capable and down right great. These words got me thinking about what I would want to say to myself, what words of advice would I give to me? My perfect self would probably say something like this to my imperfect self:

This  is the original post I saw, I have linked it back to its original site (at least I think so!) 

What would you say to yourself? What words of advice do you need to hear?